Questions, Regrets...

How do I just walk away?

How do I forget the way you made me feel?

How do I just accept that I just let my only happiness walk away?

How do I stop myself from talking to you or worse begging to see you?

How do I return to the dark after having a light for so long?


But the best question yet is "Why?"

Why did I push you away?

Why did I let myself hurt both of us so badly?

Why didn't I listen to myself rather than my friend?

Why didn't I realize what I had before I just threw it away?

Why did I throw it all away?


I wish there was some way that I could have fixed what I did, but after finally hearing from you last night, I know that is just a silly wish that will never come true. You made it clear that we should go our seperate ways.

I can't bring myself to tell my parents, though. I don't want their sympathy or whatever you want to call it. I don't want my Dad to try to talk to you and help.

My heart is broken. It has finally shattered into peices. I have lost so much since June. Two deaths and now you.

I guess the absolute worst part of all of this is... I was the one that broke up with you and pushed you away. I finally broke my own heart.

The weird thing about it is that I feel nothing. Just as I felt when they died. I was sad and cried a bit, but otherwise, I felt nothing. It was like my brain told me that I was sad and told me to cry. Does that make sense? I'm still sad and angry and hurt. I can't stop thinking about you and the way I screwed my chance up. I had wanted you for so long and when I finally had you, I gave it up. For what? Nothing. I just did because that is what I do when I'm overly stressed or going through something. I push the closest person away from me and at the time, you were the closest because you were my boyfriend. I've pushed my parents away so far I don't even know how to find my way back to them.

And I was looking forward to a future with you...