No Title...

I finally told my mom that I deleted your number from my phone and that I unfriended you on facebook. She was surprised, I could tell. I just told her that if you ever wanted to get back in touch with me, you knew how to find me. Of course, I highly doubt that you would ever get back in touch with me. You said yourself that you thought it best for us to go our seperate ways. Also, you moved on, right? So, why concern yourself with old news?

My mom told me that Dad responded to your mom's e-mail. He was very nice and polite about it. Your mom responded with just "oh, okay" or something like that. I don't know the specifics because I didn't see the e-mail. Mom just summed it up for me.

I might have been selfish to tell my Dad not to help your mom, but I don't care. You moved on, so should I. I refuse to keep waiting for a phone call or message or something that will never come. I refuse to let this keep me down. I might have thought that you and I had a future together, but I was wrong. You aren't the one for me.

Sure, I keep saying that I won't have anymore relationships ever and I'll probably be alone and all this other stupid stuff, but that's just because I'm hurt and so far, none of my relationships have worked out. I've only had two relationships. My first lasted 8 months, I think. While ours lasted a month or less? I'm not sure.

I'm just mostly tired of bad stuff happening to me, honestly. I've just had a tougher time since I started college, but I'm doing my best to continue through it and hoping that everyone is right in saying that in the end, things will be okay. I've been rained on for so long, I want some sun. Or at least I need to learn how to dance in the rain. It just seems like I can't be happy. That Life wants to keep my happiness limited. That's probably completely wrong, but that's how I feel. Whenever I wake up in a good mood for no reason, things happen to turn my mood sour or at least kill it a little bit. I hate it. Maybe I'm wrong and just making things worse for myself. Either way, I need to figure things out and chill.

I just watched a music video for one of my new favorite songs. It's really great. But it just made me think. I want to go on a date so bad. Like an official, old-fashioned date.

It'd go something like this: THe guy asks me out on a date. He picks me up at my house and we go to the movies where he does the really cliche arm-stretch-thing and puts his arm around me. Then, when we leave, he reaches for my hand and holds it as we walk to get ice cream. We get ice cream and sit down to talk, get to know each other better. Or maybe even, if it's a nice night, we'll go for a walk while eating the ice cream. After that, we go back to his car and head back to my house. We both get out and he walks me up to the door. WE stand there for a second as I fumble with my keys. He reaches up with one hand, placing it on cheek as he steps closer. He leans in part of the way as I lean in as well. Then, we share a simple kiss. Soft and sweet, no expectations. Just a simple good night. He pulls away, drops his hand and steps back with a big smile on his face and a twinkle in his eye. HE says good night  and turns to walk back to his car, but he doesn't get in until he knows that I'm in the house safely. Then, he leaves. But later, after he got home and I am getting ready for bed, he'll text me to say he had a good time and that he'd see me the next day or whatever. Then, we'd end up texting until one of us fell asleep.

That's my ideal first date.

Is that too much to ask for? It does not have to go exactly like that, but is the idea clear? I want sweet and romantic and simple. WIth a bit of old-fashionedness. Is that really too much to ask for?

Even with all of this talk about not wanting to be with someone and all of that, I know that deep in my heart I want someone to spend the rest of my life with. I want a wedding of my dreams and a wonderful man to stand side by side with, facing challenges together and supporting each other through everything. I want a family. Will I ever get this? I don't know. RIght now, my heart is tired and in pain so it's saying it doesn't want to love anymore. But I know deep down it will find someone again. I just hope that next someone will stick it out with me and help me through my bullshit...