Good Arrangement...?

I spent the night with my ex-boyfriend on Sunday. Not the first time since we broke up. We did decided to be good friends after the break up and we are doing a damn good job. Shortly after I ended the pathetic relationship with the other guy, my ex and I suddenly fell into a confusing relationship. I wasn't sure what it meant at first because things did a complete turn around, almost all the way back to when we were together, but not exactly. At that time, I was confused and hurt by what happened. So, I was just looking for a FWB (friends with benefits) relationship because I didn't want to get my heart broken again. Turns out, I got exactly what I wanted.

We talked it over and agreed upon the FWB until one of us find someone. It's fun, actually. I wasn't sure how I'd take it, but I enjoy it. I get everything I want without the attachments or fear of hurting the other person. I get a companion when I need someone to be with, someone to watch movies with, someone to just fool around with. It's a great relationship because we are already so comfortable with each other and it comes naturally for us.

The only thing... Sunday was the first time since we broke up that we slept together in the same bed. The other times, we did our business, then he slept in the living room while I had his room. But Sunday was a little differnt. It wasn't just a quick roll in the hay. I don't know how to explain it, really. IT was just a little different.

We were watching movies in his room with the door shut and just hanging out. Of course, we messed with each other, but that's usual. We mostly were just laying together, one of us laying on the other usually. After a while, I got up the courage to ask him to sleep in the room with me. He said yeah and I was somewhat shocked. Oh well.

After messing with each other for a while, I finally fell asleep and he must have fallen asleep as well because I woke up a couple hours later with him pressed against me and his arm draped over my stomach. My hand had taken it's usual spot of resting on his. I didn't move for a moment because I just enjoyed the moment. It was the first time in a long time when I felt truly comfortable and oddly enough, at peace. I had missed sleeping with him so much and never really realized it.

I accidentally woke him up and we ended up finishing what we had started earlier. Then, we fell asleep again. Sadly, that time, we were under different blankets and I missed his warmth and being close to him. I wanted so badly to move closer to him, but I wasn't sure how he would react so I kept my distance. The next morning, we got up and acted like nothing ever happened. We had just fallen asleep.

But the craziest thing that happened to me was when we were together, I had the strong urge to say "I love you" a couple different times, but I knew I couldn't. That would just ruin things. He told me that our love was in the past and now we are just friends.

We are just helping each other out and having fun. I just wish things were different. I often go back to the times when we were together, good and bad. I miss that. I sometimes wish to go back to certain moments just because for a moment I could call him mine. It's stupid, huh?

All the same... My parents are entirely thrilled with the idea. They like him, but then they don't. They just don't really understand and I can say that honestly. They think they might, but this time, I know they don't. Other times, yes they understand, just not this time.

My mom has called me a slut at least once now. I'm not sure she meant it to sound like that, but that's how it came across. I never thought she would ever call me something like that, but I guess I underestimated her. I felt lousy that whole day and my date that I had was cancelled, so it turned out to be a horrible day.

Of course, I screwed things up with that guy as well. He's one of my best friends that I finally accepted that I would never have a chance with until he decided to ask me out on a date. What the hell, right? After two years of him saying nothing would ever happen between us, he went and did this. Then, I went and did that and ruined it. Lucky, we have the kind of relationship that things can get fixed easily because we can go a couple months or so without talking and nothing ever changes.