Spaghetti

I've been thinking a lot lately and there's one thing that I really miss that Misha and I did a lot. I miss talking on the phone with him. It would always been random, too. I miss those conversations. Usually he would call me because he just wanted to talk or whatever... I remember this one night about a yr and half ago, we talked on the phone for like 4-5hrs or something like that. It was a really long and it was one of the few times we talked on the phone until we fell asleep. I loved it. That night is counted under one of the best nights of my life, just because we talked for so long and we talked until we fell asleep. 
I don't really understand how little things such as talking on the phone until falling asleep or hanging out or just talking can make me so happy, but it does. Especially with Misha because he is one of my best friends in the whole world and I love talking to him. He makes me laugh and think and I know I can be myself with him. I don't have to worry about being what he wants me to be or holding myself back (to some extent, at least, because I know I do when it comes to physical distance). He knows when something is wrong with me or usually when I'm lying. He's truthful with me and tells me exactly what he thinks. I do the same with him and I don't have to worry about hurting our friendship. I can talk to him about anything, but that doesn't mean that I always do because some things I just would rather not talk about. 
With any of my other friends, I have to hold back a bit. Like with one of my friends, the gullible blonde, she says she's not judgmental, but she really is. I can only talk to her about some things or I don't talk at all, she'll just complain about something or other to me and I listen. Such as not seeing her boyfriend or complaining about not having enough time for him. Screw that! I've known of a couple times where the two have been in the library at the same time, but at different sections. Seriously, if you want to spend time with your significant other, you freakin' find time to be with them! Even if it's doing homework together or studying for different classes. You are still together, right? But no, I swear most of it is self-inflicted. 
I'm closer to one of my roommates than the other and I'm trying to be better friends with the other one, but it's hard. I do a lot of things with one roommate and not the other. I can talk to them about a lot, but I just don't want to tell them everything about me. I just can't. I'll share some things, but there's a line. 
My ex and I are still friends. We don't really talk much, though. Which, I understand. I just wish things didn't end the way they did. I don't understand how literally one day I was so happy to spend many more years with him and the next, I just couldn't do it. I wasn't happy. It was crazy. At first, I was okay with things, it didn't bother me, but now, I'm kind of feeling some effects. I'm still in love with him, but I don't want to get back with him mostly because of his self-esteem. I've tried to build him up so many times, but he tears himself down saying that he wasn't good enough for me and all this other shit. I can only take that so many times before I'm through. Is that a bad thing? I'm not sure, but I feel bad for feeling that way...